i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
