Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
