i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
