Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
