It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
