if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
