who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
