I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think my fart just growled at me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
