It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
