I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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