eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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