I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
