break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
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I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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