I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
