My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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