i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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