bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
