Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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