I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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