I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
