Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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