I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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