covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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