I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
