he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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