Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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