i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
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I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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