Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
