this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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