You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
