never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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