I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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