my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
