My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Four minutes until I can fart!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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