to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
