If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
FUCK WHALES
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