Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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