I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
