I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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