If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
