Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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