so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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