I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
