Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
