Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
