I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
