That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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