Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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