I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
