I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
