So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
