If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
