I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i think my mom watched the whole time
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
