You can't motorboat a personality
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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