my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
