I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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