Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
