so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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