he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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