just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
