Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You are a genius and a whore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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