i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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