At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
