Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
