every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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