I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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