so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
