you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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