that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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