genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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