last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
