Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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