return my video game
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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