She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
