I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize