Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i barfeds in our rink
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
if only i could text you this smell
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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