My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
