I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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